I don’t need to tell you that you’re about to go down a dead-end road; you saw what happened to your parents. One reason I wanted to reprint part of your email here is because I hope it will warn others who are in danger of making the same mistake.
Don’t beat yourself up, however, or tell yourself that you’re worthless, because you’re not—not in God’s eyes. God knows all about you; He knows your background, and He also knows your failures and the dangers you face. And yet He still loves you, and He yearns for you to give your life to Christ and find in Him the help and hope you need.
How do I know this? Just a few days ago Christians all over the world celebrated the two greatest events in human history: the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ almost 2,000 years ago. Why are they so important? The reason is because on the cross Jesus Christ took upon Himself all our sins, and through the resurrection He conquered sin and death and Hell forever.
By a simple prayer of faith ask Christ to come into your life—and He will. Then ask Him to help you overcome your past and live the way He wants you to live. Ask Him also to guide you to someone who can help you deal with the problems you’re facing. Jesus’ invitation is for you: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened … and you will find rest for your souls” (Matthew 11:28-29).